Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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