i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Come share oat with me in your robe
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
