When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
