I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
