I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
