Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i will never coherently bang her
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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