i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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