i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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