She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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