he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
