I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
