wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
