I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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