Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Farmville is her only friend.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize