the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I intend to get homeless drunk
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
