You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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