Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize