gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize