I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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