Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
