Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
