No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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