Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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