I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
