I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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