i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
