How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
