her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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