We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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