And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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