oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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