Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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