Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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