Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
