Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
