If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
