I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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