Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
