yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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