Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
