I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
