I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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