DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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