you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
