I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
