I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
