I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
