I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
