Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
