You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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