So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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