Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
