Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
