You're completely useless in the revolution.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
