who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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