I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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