Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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