I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You did what with his pubic hair?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
