and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
