Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
