STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
