Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
