Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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