That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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