let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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