the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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