3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
