The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize