maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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