glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
two words...techno handjob
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
